I’ve been staring at my laptop for since Christmas thinking how would I describe what 2017 was like. I was so focused on sharing how I started this *tradition* that involves Chinese horoscope, predictions and all. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t wait all year doing nothing expecting everything to happen accordingly. I just keep a copy of what would my following year would be like and keep it in my inbox until that year ends.
My year started with a new manager and office. No, I didn’t resign (though I’ve been saying it for over a year) – organizational changes happened. I was happy because my new manager would be someone I worked before, I didn’t leave my *then* current manager and got to keep the work relationship intact. I was terrified because was being forced outside my comfort zone at work – new people I don’t really know, to a new building. I had to keep myself holding on to the people I knew to survive.
Everything was okay but then I found running to the nearest park after a conference call to cry. I was lost, tired of doing what I love, suffocated in the box I considered my comfort zone. I was surrounded by those eyes who makes you question your ability. For days, I was at constant battle with myself asking, “How do I prove myself?”, “Do I belong here?”, “Am I in the right place doing the right thing?” It started to consume me and then it overflowed to every aspect of my life. I buried myself and created a numb version of myself. It did go on for weeks, even month.
What was the turning point? Out of the blue, a friend asked me – “Are you okay?” It was a simple question that made me cry even more. It was weeks before I acknowledge it as a tap in the back from the Man above wanting to share my burden. Little by little, I prayed for all the things I’m grateful for and for guidance to be better than I was yesterday. I reconnected to the real people who saw my tears despite that smiles I’ve been giving them and used their desire to see me better as a motivation to be better. Slowly, things fell into its place – new job, better friendships, renewed faith and love.
As cliche as it sounds – 2017 was my rollercoaster ride. Its the one that has shaken me, but it also molded me into something better. I anchored myself to the people I knew who genuinely cares about me and nourished my relationship with them. I started to believe again…